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Ellen Deitz Tucker
Dearest husband,
This is not a suicide note, but
recently I attended the funeral of
a gracious, orderly woman, who
left behind three children, grieving
husband, and, I’d wager, a freezer
full of pre-cooked meals. The memorial
was perfect; she must have written out
her wishes, made arrangements with the florists,
set aside the compact disc that softly played
while we all took our seats. So this has made me
think. If I should suddenly die, I’ll leave behind
a dresser covered with old credit card receipts,
papers in unsteady piles, books enfolding ancient notes
to show where I stopped reading, and, most likely, damage
to the Subaru that, this time, the insurance won’t repair.
And also you and our two kids, shocked and probably
exasperated, sorting through a hamper of our dirty clothes
for funeral attire appropriately somber. So I’d like to help you
in advance with some advice.
You’ll want a funeral; churches are the only ones
prepared to act on these occasions, but don’t belabor
the arrangements. I always liked unfinished pine,
it smells of Christmas. The deacons will provide
for the reception, and as for music, you don’t need
an organist. Start with a recording—I’d prefer
Andre Crouch on “soon and very soon we are going
to see the King,” because, if any earthly thing is sure,
it is the finitude of time. If there must be a sermon,
let the associate pastor give it, he needs the practice,
and when he’s stumped he can be brief. Ask someone else
to sing how “I Been Changed,” because I’m counting on
that final transformation. And don’t forget I loved you
throughout every cranky day, adored the kids in their
unfinished, gorgeous potential, and, oh, instead of
bulletins inscribed with lofty aims of Brother Francis,
you could just hand out copies of this poem,
if it would give the gathered folk a laugh, although
your sense of humor will be more exact than mine.
Your loving
wife
Between mothering duties, volunteer jobs, and multiple moves with her career-changing husband, Ellen Deitz Tucker has worked as an adjunct college English teacher, a standardized test designer, and a freelance editor. She began to discover her voice and themes for writing as she began to uncover her faith. Her poetry is stimulated by
scripture study and memorable conversations. She thanks her friend Elaine for the conversation that led to this poem.
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